STUPID CUSTOMERS

With some of th' rare stories I manage to get outta wifey before she either falls asleep or stops contribuitin' to th' convos, th' tales about her customer experiences had got me thinkin' about some of my old customers. Especially ones I've seen now and again. Never knew them by name or talked to 'em, but I did give them names based on...well, you'll see.

MR. SULU - Tall Asian guy who always paid with a credit card. Sometimes he'd come in on skates and give us a hard time when we'd tell him that was a no-no. Dunno why he reminded me of George Takae, maybe it was 'cause of...

THE TREKKIE - Pudgy guy with a face huggin' beard. He always had a cap and sunglasses, and durin' the winter months wore a leather Deep Space Nine jacket, hence th' name. Seen him on th' streets once or twice.

THE ECCENTRIC - A little old lady who always came in her finest dresses and jewelry to shop. Always wondered why she dressed so nice pushin' her little cart. Also had one of those afghan hats.

ADAM - When I went to summer camp, there was this on/off adversary of mine named Adam. This dude comes in and looks like an older version of him. I actually see him a lot lately, hangin' around th' block and wanderin'. Guess whatever he was gettin' foodstamps fer dried up.

GORTON'S FISHERMAN - Tall dude with a white beard who wore a wool cap in winters. Looked like yer stereotypical fisherman, that's fer sure. Seen him a couple times as well.

THE GREEK - Older lady always with a bun in her hair and tarantula eyes. Wore these baggy pants that ended in extremely thin ankles and small black boots. Dunno why, but she looked Greek to me.

DANNY GLOVER - Dunno why, but this dude just made me think Danny Glover whenever I saw him. He works at th' convenience store next to th' firehouse it appears. Saw him when I went fer hot dog buns.

OLD MAN - Crodgedty old guy with a walker. In summer months he'd come in with his shirt wide open. One time, we caught him stealin' cheese in his bag and just walkin' out. We banned him from comin' back, but everyone but me forgot about it and months later he was shoppin' again. Morons.

J-LO - A very skinny latin guy. J-Lo was actually given to him by Leo, 'cause his attire and movements were very feminine and FAAAAABULOUS.

THE LESBIANS - A tall black/spanish lady and a short, fat white lady. Always shoppin' together, RARELY seen apart. You can make yer assumptions as to why th' name.

THE GIMP - This really ugly short lady who always had her arm in a lace sling. Extremely useless when ya think about how flimsy it was.

WICKED WITCH - Not that she was mean or nuttin', but th' old gal had th' look of a witch you'd see in an old movie. If I was makin' one I'd cast her as such.