Friday, August 08, 2008

FLAWED

Recent events have started to highlight what could be considered flaws in my character, finally. One of them that has been brought to my attention is my inability to let people reciprocate the good things I do for them. Honestly, I dunno what to do with that one. I mean, I see a need and I fill it, that's just how I am. If I have the power to do something, don't I have the responsibility? And I do let people reciprocate, it's just that I don't want for much. Affection, honesty and the occasional shoulder are all I ever really need and my friends give me that in spades. Honestly, ya can't compare deeds to deeds 'cause situations will never be the same. I do what I do 'cause I can, not 'cause I expect something in return. If I want something, I'll ask for it. If my trying to do the right thing by people I care for is gonna be a major put-off, then I really can't expect any of my friends to stick around for all that long. Sorry, guys!

I cleaned out the coolers today and got the last of the supplies for the BBQ. Pops got the hot dogs, cheese and some emergency plates and stuff yesterday, so I'm pretty much ready to go. I had planned to use only one cooler for drinks, one for the meats, and one for spare ice. Good plan, except the sodas took up more space than I anticipated. So, now we have 2 coolers for drinks, giving me 4 coolers to cart. The only plus is the ice cooler will stay in the van for retrieval upon need. I managed to get rid of 3 cases of soda, so that's a little less loose stuff I'll hafta carry, but it's still gonna be an event if I can't park close. Also, gonna hafta assemble the grill on site. Fun. Liz also got some cake mix to bake muffins for the event, and made a veritable army of them! Psycho!

Earlier this week, I had contemplated trying to get more active in the dating circuit (because that's worked SO well in the past). I guess I was inspired by these random matches OKCupid throws your way now, and reading a couple interesting profiles. However, I just can't seem to be motivated to really do anything about it. Truth is, I still really don't care. Rejection I can deal with fine, the other stuff not so much. Plus, I'm too old to just START, and I never meet anyone that has what I'm looking for unless they live a billion miles away. I dunno, I just don't have the mindset for this thing. I'm enlisting sis' help on this, 'cause maybe my disinterest stems from like the same feeling you get when you really don't wanna go somewhere, but then you go and have all sorts of fun? Could be something like that. Meh...I rather spend my time writing; my fiction has suffered in recent months.

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