CHRISTMAS CLUSTERF*CK

I decided to expand my bloggin' experience. Don't ask me why, out of boredom, I guess. To read previous entries yer gonna wanna go here: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/wolverine25th/main/. Trust me, I do my best to keep things accessable, but a li'l backstory goes a long way. If ya just wanna forge ahead an' hope things become clear, be my guest.

So, I'll kick off th' new year with a tale of this past Christmas I'll dub Christmas Clusterf*ck. Normally, I do my shoppin' th' week or so before Xmas. This usually involved a trip to 86th Street, which between th' avenues was like a strip mall. Of course, with my own credit card an' th' growth of OL shoppin', my trips there began to decrease. Add to that all th' stores I used to go to either changed beyond usefulness or closed an' I haven't been there in a couple years. Anyways, as I said I started early. Got my wife two clocks off this website my ma told me about. She joked I could only get her a clock if it was like Big Ben. Probably was a joke, but hadda teach her not to joke like that with me so that's what I went an' got. I really wanted a big clock that was just th' clock tower, but upon not findin' one I settled on a combo clock/bank that you could propell th' coins into through one of the clock faces. Also got her a puzzle clock that ya hafta complete th' pieces on in order to shut off th' alarm. Figger two loves right there, plus when I casually showed it to her she loved it. Anyways, a month or so later my British friend Ben (whom I had keepin' an eye open fer me) pointed out th' clock I was lookin' fer was finally on Ebay. I contemplated gettin' it but she hates when I spend anythin' on her, so decided should give her at least a partial merry Xmas. But, just to be sure she would be happy, I threw in Reno 911! season 2 as well.

Next came my ma. She's been dyin' fer a Gamecube, so that's what I went an' got her. She missed her Zeldas. Anyways, Best Buy was th' best deal, so I got her th' Mario Party 7 system pack (everyone was outta th' Zelda pack), a memory card an' 2 games fer $30 (Mario Sunshine and th' last Zelda). Games an' memory card I could pick up at th' store but th' system hadda get shipped. Simple, right? Wrong. First, I get an EM sayin' th' store don't have th' card, so I hafta call to convert it to bein' shipped fer free. THEN I get an EM a bit later tellin' me th' SYSTEM now is backordered. So, what's th' big deal, right? Backordered, means they'll get it in an' send it out a bit later than planned. Fortunately, this time that DID happen. But in th' past, whenever a Best Buy order got backordered on me it ended up bein' automatically cancelled. Had th' system been cancelled I woulda been up shit creek without a paddle.

Next came D's gifts. We both went to Best Buy to pick up th' games an' just to hang. I believe I made an entry about that dubbed Game Time!, so I'll refrain from a full recap. Anyways, as we were browsin' th' games I purposely goaded him into tellin' me which ones he liked, an' took advantage of th' next 2 fer $30 sale. Now, I placed all th' orders OL, gettin' myself a couple games, ma gettin' a couple games, an' gettin' D's games. I had ordered him Star Wars Battlefront, Sonic Heroes an' Sonic Mega Collection Plus. Now, dumb me realized that Sonic Heroes is ON Sonic Mega, so I hadda cancel th' one order. When I went to pick up th' games, th' three orders had gotten mixed up with th' one I cancelled. Hell, they didn't even have one of them ready! Now, on th' one hand I lucked out 'cause I think they gave me th' wrong Battlefront (th' sequel). On th' other hand, I failed to notice that they gave me th' wrong Sonic till after I gave 'em to D. That's right, sittin' in his home as usual, I look at th' games I gave him an' saw Sonic Heroes. Can't believe I didn't realize that till then! Dumbass I am. Also gave him a memory card he no longer needed, but that's alright.

Pops is always a bitch to shop fer. He's got more tools than god an' never uses half of 'em. So me an' ma tried to avoid 'em this year. I was gonna hook him up with some of th' frangrance he wears, but that crap costs $30 a bottle! I was like get th' hell outta here. He's a dumbass fer payin' that much! We saw a commercial fer th' new HomeMedic's massagin' chair thing an' decided that'd be just fine, so I ordered that through Amazon (only to find out a week later it woulda been cheaper from BJs...of course). He also expressed interest in a new Craftsman thin ratchet, so I was gonna get that too but damn Sears only had in-store pick-up. Which, of course, changed a couple days BEFORE Xmas to delivery as well, so got screwed outta that.

Now th' Gmas...they're a tricky bunch. With Gma N at a home what we can give her is limited. Gma B we're just clueless about. Both me an' ma struggled with them fer a while. Ma suggest I get Gma B yet ANOTHER book (my go-to gift fer her) an' I had no choice but to do so. Got her one called Toxic Batchelors or somethin' like that. Gma N, however, it took till Xmas day fer ma to suggest a sweater she was given an' didn't like. That's right, I regifted a gift that wasn't even mine.

Finally, th' wife's family. They've been very nice an' hospitable to me, so I thought I'd dust off last year's idea an' send 'em somethin' (ironically, she had th' same idea in regards to my family...I love how alike we think). After some browsin' of gift baskets I settled on this one from Hershey. Lotta chocolately goodness in a 4-tier tower. So I placed th' order at th' beginnin' of Dec to be delivered th' 23rd. Well, that day came an' went with nary a shipment in sight. Also, I wasn't able to access my account fer all that time an' when I was finally able to get in they had like ZERO info 'cept that I placed an order. So I called up an' got my DHL trackin' number an' called them th' next day. Apparently, it got two shippin' labels on it somehow an' they didn't know where to send it. So I had th' guy fix it up an' waited another week. I call back when it still don't come to find out not only did moron NOT do anythin', there was no record of my call. So I was told I'd be called with updates. An' I was. Two updates, last one bein' they couldn't contact th' shippin' hub in PA (package never even left) an' that I should declare it lost. That's right, LOST. So I called Hershey to cancel it an' get my money back, no longer a point to it now. Next time I visit I'll just buy somethin' there to bring an' make up fer it, 'course in th' meantime I feel like crap. HersheyGifts.com, people...avoid it at ALL costs.

What about th' others? Tina an' A. I don't see enough to know what they'd want. Hell, this past year I've seen Tina MORE than A. Do you know how insane that is? Was gonna get Lenny from work th' new Essential Godzilla comic with Tommy, but it doesn't come out till Feb. Other co-workers no clue when I'd see 'em so didn't bother.

Now I suppose after all this yer wonderin' what I got in th' end. Well, wonder no more...my list:

Marvel Nemesis

Fantastic Four VG

Atari Anthology

Atari Flashback 2

Honeymooners Holiday Collection DVD

Cologne (useless an' promptly thrown out)

$30 Best Buy gift card

$20

$30

Hess Truck

Singing Santa plush

3 T-shirts

Bike lights

Mini-flashlight thingy

Sheet of bootleg Spidey stickers

Chocolate Cell Phone

Empty Box (gag gift from th' wife)

An' some crap from th' degenerates in Florida I don't even remember.

Happy Holidays.